Focusing on Myself

I do apologize for not posting nearly as much as I had originally planned. I needed to take a step back for a while and focus on me and my Master. Life was kind of spiraling out of control on me and I was losing sight of what was and was not important. Plus I fell into another stage of depression which I am now out of… for the most part.

So let’s catch you all up to speed. I think I may have mentioned that Master and I are now engaged. We will be celebrating 6 years this November. We have been actively planning our wedding (which will be steampunk themed) and we will be getting married (hopefully) in about two years. ^.^

I have also started a few new projects in my life. Back in April I took up oil painting and I am in love with my new artistic release. I had never thought painting would be something I would enjoy, but it seems to be an excellent stress reliever for me. Plus I love how easily oil paint can be manipulated on a canvas.

Another artistic approach I have recently taken up is erotic photography. If you all remember, SquareKnot is someone who has taken numerous photos of me and my friends bound up in rope. He has inspired me to pick my camera and put my own personal spin on things. Much thanks to him and the techniques he taught me, I was able to perform my first photo shoot back in August. Talk about a rush! There is nothing like watching a scene happening before you and being able to click away to catch those precise, sensual photos.

If you’d like to see my first set, visit my fetlife page! If you’re on fet, please feel free to add me on there as well. That is specifically for my photography only. You can find my main profile linked on there as well. =D

Needless to say I have been going on the crafty side of life and it has been extremely therapeutic.

As I mentioned above, my depression took a turn for the worst shortly after Master and I got engaged. It seemed to outsiders to think that my depression hit because I got engaged, when in reality it was something completely different. I would delve into details, but I have good reason not to.

Since then I have actually been seeing a therapist and she has been very open and understanding. She knows of my relationship with Master, and I have become comfortable calling him such in front of her. She doesn’t quite understand the relationship, but she is always open and listening to me. I like her a lot and I am blessed that I have someone as non-judging as her for my therapist.

She has been a great help and has been teaching me new ways to tap into my inner self and focus on what is important. Me. I also have a lot to appreciate now because of said therapist. She is helping me regain my feeling of self worth, and in turn I am becoming the confident person I know I once was. It’s taken a lot of time and ups and downs, but I’m slowly going back to normal. As I always say; there is always room for improvement.

Unfortunately, I recently had to end a friendship with someone whom I thought was still a good friend to me, but with much thought I’ve realized this has been the best for me. I will not list any names, but despite it being rough on me I must move forward and look to the future. Their friendship will be missed, though.

It’s been a long time coming… I’ve known that and I’m sure they knew it too.

It sucks…

Anyways, that’s what is new in my life. Hope everyone has been well. Please feel free to contact me. I’ve missed blogging and I hope I can get back into the swing of things.